(Carrie) Before there was sex...
Before there was the city, there was just me,
Carrie... Carrie Bradshaw from Castlebury, Connecticut.
I thought you were all into Bennet.
I really like him. It just feels like
we're in Nowhere's Land until I'm legal.
That "gym" really seems all-consuming for you.
(Tom) I've been enjoying myself.
Here's to two loose-lipped losers
who created their own messes.
- We've been friends for a long time. - That means something.
Maybe all it means is that it's been a long time,
because it certainly doesn't mean you're a good friend.
I've apologized to Carrie, like, a hundred times.
She won't hear me out.
You don't get it, do you? I lost her because of what we did.
Can we talk? I really gotta get going.
Can I help you? If you don't let me in,
I'm gonna have to tell Sam you were rude to me.
Oh, I understand. And Sam heard everything.
And P. S.... I prefer "Samantha."
If you ever need anything, you know where I live.
Can I stay here for a couple days?
(The Power Station) ♪ Some like it hot
♪ and some sweat when the heat is on ♪
(Whirring)
Yikes. This review of "Teen Wolf" is brutal.
"Aggressively boring" "Dies a natural death"
from day one, we're taught
that it's important to express how we really feel.
I could never be a movie critic.
I'd be too worried about hurting Michael J. Fox's feelings
to say anything mean.
Especially because he's so cute.
I couldn't either.
Being a W.A.S.P. means I lack the ability
to express direct criticism.
Pretty sure it was part of the Mayflower Compact.
Well, I don't care how bad the movie reviews are.
I still wanna see it.
- It's playing at 8:35 tonight. - Ahem.
- You wanna go see it? - Here we go.
While others have no trouble
putting everything they feel out there.
God, this heat.
(Sighs) I might as well be back in Florida.
I don't know how you people can drink coffee.
At home, we had a trick to beat the heat...
Cold underwear.
Now where did I put 'em? (Gags)
Here we are.
(Lowered voice) She was only supposed to be here a few days,
and it's been three weeks.
Don't you people believe in food?
There's barely anything in here.
Well, I haven't opened that thing once
- since we've been here. - Said with pride.
Well, the deli delivers everything, including coffee.
(Telephone rings)
Oh, it's probably for me.
And next time you order, get me a banana or something.
(Ring)
(Sighs) (Cup clatters)
Look, Samantha's great,
but great has overstayed her welcome
because great is always naked,
leaves her stuff everywhere,
and has no sense of personal boundaries.
Carrie, you have to say something.
Well, I have.
Have you said the words "You have to move out"?
I've dropped hints.
You're right, Carrie.
There's some great stuff in here.
"Phone sex operators wanted. Work from home. $6.99 a minute"
(beep, dialing)
That wasn't exactly what I meant.
(Breathy voice) Hi.
Okay, so that didn't go as planned.
♪ Heat
wrong number.
I thought it was my client with the spanking fetish.
He's so needy.
♪ Feel the heat
I'll say that didn't go as planned.
Look, Samantha makes me laugh. I like her.
I just don't wanna live with her anymore.
(Telephone rings)
♪
♪ some like it hot (Ring)
Carrie, no! The spanker!
♪ Some like it hot
The Carrie Diaries 02x02 Express Yourself Originally Aired November 1, 2013
♪ Some like it hot
♪ some like it hot
Hello? Hey there, kiddo.
Oh! Dad, thank God.
Wow. You actually sound happy hear from me.
That has to be a first.
Well, of course I'm happy to hear from you.
Everything okay?
Yeah. Yeah, it's great.
It's actually kind of fun to have the place to myself
while Dorrit is away with Audrey's family.
And you're sure Dorrit's with Audrey at the beach,
not with Miller?
I watched her leave,
and both of Audrey's parents were in the car, so...
I'm... 70% sure. Yeah.
So you're free to, uh...
Well, what are you going to do?
Not sure.
Thought I'd maybe...
Hang out with some friends or something.
Dad, you can talk about Deb with me.
See? I said it. I don't have to call her "the gym" anymore.
So you're gonna hang out with Deb. That's great.
It is, but that's not the reason I called.
I actually have some really exciting news.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, I just met the niece of a client of mine,
and it turns out that she teaches writing
at the new school in Manhattan.
Now they have a program for gifted high school writers.
So, of course, I told her that
my daughter was the most gifted of the gifted,
and uh, she agreed to meet with you.
Are you kidding? That's amazing!
Good. Good. Okay, she's gonna call me later this week
with the time for you to go on in and meet her. (Receiver clatters)
(Dialing) Wow.
Hello? Oh.
Oh!
(Breathy voice) Hello there, big boy.
Has someone been very naughty?
Samantha, I'm on the phone.
Oops. Sorry.
(Beep, click)
What the hell is going on in your house?
Are you okay?
Yeah. Yeah, it's fine. It's... it's fine.
Um, Larissa has, um, a party line,
so the most random people are always hopping on.
Party lines still exist?
In Tribeca they do.
Well, she's not runnin' now,
but it won't take much to change that.
Whoa. Dad, what's this?
Original 1955 Porsche Spyder.
I-I know. I mean, what's it doin' here?
Well, I bought it.
No way. (Chuckles)
What?
That's so awesome!
I... she is dead ringer for James Dean's "Little Bastard".
Oh, my gosh. It's beautiful.
Yeah, I know.
Remember when you owned your first gas station,
some jackass had one and was always yelling at you
about the cost of keeping it going?
And I told him... you wanna play, you gotta pay.
These cars are tricky.
And yet you still bought it.
Yeah, well,
I'm a glutton for punishment when it comes to cars. (Laughs)
How about we fix this bastard up together?
Really? You'd want to do that?
Yeah, of course.
You and me. It'll be fun.
I'm getting such a head start on organic chemistry
with this program.
My future pre-med classmates can... (Singsongy) suck it!
(Laughs) Man, I do miss you, Mouse.
I like that you think it's cute when I'm psycho-competitive.
Not cute. Sexy.
Have you seen Carrie yet?
Not yet. It's Walt's b-day this weekend,
and I'm making him his favorite dish... Quiche Lorraine.
That's great. What's your room like?
It's fun. Pretty small.
And are you hot?
I'm reasonably comfortable.
Why? You sure about that?
You must be a little hot.
See ya, West. (Boy) Hey, night, West.
What are you wearing?
Mm, blue sweatpants that say "Columbia" on my, um, leg.
I think you need to get out of those.
(Lowered voice) I can't do this right now.
I have a roommate.
So it'll be me, you, Mouse, Donna, and Samantha.
Wow. I have a lot of girlfriends.
The gays usually do.
What about Bennet?
Isn't your 18th birthday a big day for you 2?
Like, you can officially be a couple now?
Yeah, I would like Bennet there.
Or is that too weird?
I turn 18 and try to jump him. (Chuckles)
It's not weird. It's wonderful...
and romantic.
I'll invite him like it's no big deal,
so if things don't go as planned,
you haven't put anything out there.
I like that idea.
Good.
(Horn honks in distance)
Wait. Are those for my birthday?
Mm... no. Those belong to Samantha, I think.
Are those Rolexes?
Don't these cost, like, thousands of dollars?
There's... tons of them.
Is she fencing hot goods?
Fake hot goods?
(Ring)
What is that? (Clatter)
(Ring) The fax machine.
(Whirring) It's from Larissa.
(Beep) "Konnichiwa. Returning early.
"Miss my coffee, my loft, and the stifling heat.
See you in a week."
A week?
She's coming home early.
Oh, no.
You know what that means.
Samantha and her crap have to go.
I know.
It was easier said than done, but clearly...
(Exhales deeply) Done it had to be.
(Telephone ringing in distance) Uh-oh. Someone's pissy.
Is the heat getting to you? (Chuckles)
No. I'm trying to reach Samantha to tell her something
I don't really want to tell her,
so I thought it might be easier over the phone.
Ah, the phone dump, friendship edition.
I'm not dumping her. I just need her to...
To leave Larissa's apartment?
Walt told you?
Yeah, he needed advice to avoid looking at her lady parts,
and I had loads of it.
(Chuckles) Roommates can be tough.
I love Stanford, but I gotta admit,
I'm happy that he ran off to London to work at the Batcave,
leaving me all by my lonesome.
- The Batcave? - Thank you.
Yes. He's very into glam rock.
You should see his collection of high heel boots.
So why can't you just tell this chick to go?
Because she's not just some chick. She's a new friend.
And also, I may have a pathological fear
of hurting people's feelings.
And also, she came to me because she has nowhere else to go.
I mean, I don't want her to be homeless.
Walt was right. You are way over thinking this.
And kind of a wuss.
He called me a wuss?
Speaking of Walt, his birthday is this Saturday.
I know.
And I'm planning him a little something.
This Saturday?
I'm going to that
Z100 music festival in the park.
We're doing a feature
on this great new band, American Authors,
and I'm supposed to check them out.
That's, uh... so great
because that exact Z100 concert you're talking about
is what I'm doing for Walt's birthday.
That's awesome! I can't wait to celebrate with Walt.
- What a coincidence. (Chuckles) - Perfect.
So we can meet up in the V.I.P. Section.
Yes. Yes. Uh... The V.I.P. Section.
I'm so excited. My... my tickets are there, too.
I'm impressed you could even get more than one V.I.P. Pass.
I was lucky to get one myself, and I'm covering it.
I know, right?
Uh, good thing I planned it so far in advance.
Yay me.
No, I get it. There are no more tickets.
You... you don't have to be rude.
What did you call me?
No, I didn't mean say it again.
While it looked like my promise to Walt
would be impossible to fulfill...
(Door opens) (Carrie) Mouse was about to meet someone who had no trouble
fulfilling any man's wildest fantasies. (Door closes)
(Horn honks in distance)
Oh, hi. I'm Mouse.
Samantha.
I figured.
I've been really looking forward to meeting you.
Uh, don't worry. I won't interrupt your workout.
I'm just going to be in the kitchen,
putting stuff away for Walt's quiche.
Oh. Are you doing Jane Fonda?
I did that once. My butt hurt for days.
Do you like pain? What?
(Breathy voice) Oh, yeah. That's right, baby.
Just like I like it.
Excuse me?
Not you, honey. I'm workin'.
You mean working out.
Huh?
Hot, baby. You make me so hot.
What?
That's right. There you go.
(Squeals and pants)
Talk tomorrow. Same time.
(Beep) Ugh. Finally.
Some of them take forever.
Although that just means more money for me.
You get paid to do butt lifts?
What? No.
I'm a phone sex operator.
I get paid to make men happy.
I do Jane while I do them.
The heavy breathing really keeps 'em goin'
and keeps my ass... (High-pitched voice) Perky!
♪
Phone sex? Huh.
Well... what's that like?
Hang on. Do you mean you're a phone sex virgin?
Pretty much.
My boyfriend tried to initiate it with me the other night.
Is it weird I'm telling you this? We just met.
No. People open up to me.
Must be like talking to a nun or something.
A very sexy, naughty nun.
I should try that with my new phone sex guy.
Religion can be very hot.
Anyway, go on. Phone sex, boyfriend.
I don't think I handled it all that well.
I freaked out and hung up.
Ugh. You're a sad case.
But I can help you.
You're gonna blow your boyfriend's mind.
I am?
And a few other things.
Being good at phone sex is like being a good lawyer.
It's all about leading the witness.
You say as little as possible
to get them to spill what you want them to spill.
And what exactly do I say?
You ask them what they want, then you let them talk.
Fill in the silences
with anything involving the words "big" or "hot"
or something about them being the best you've ever had.
Then throw in a few moans.
Horny guys are not that complicated.
(Telephone rings)
That must be my 2:00.
(Beep)
(Breathy voice) Hey there, big boy.
(Chuckles)
It's hot out, isn't it?
How do you feel about a sexy Oriental?
She's ready and waiting and barely legal.
Give it a try.
Go on.
Hello?
Yes.
It is hot.
Uh, big hot.
Uh, excuse me? What was that, sir? I didn't quite hear.
I most certainly will not!
(Beep) (Scoffs)
It takes practice.
You'll be fine.
You glad to be back?
Or were you having so much fun
- that you wish you were still there? - Are you kidding?
Dylan threw up on Space Mountain
and in that little globe thingy at Epcot.
There's only so much vomit I can handle.
Well, hopefully my cooking won't induce it.
I'm a little nervous.
- What? About my cooking? - No.
It's the first time I'm gonna see your place.
Well, then I guess I should be nervous.
Are you running around
and hiding all your dirty little secrets?
(Laughs) Should I be?
Well, that's up to you.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Bye. (Line disconnects)
(Telephone beeps)
Ugh. (Whispers) God.
My father wondered
if he should hide the pictures of my mother.
She wasn't a dirty little secret.
She was the love of his life.
But he wasn't sure
if that was something Deb would want to see.
(Egg taps table)
Pepper.
I just had it. Where's the pepper?
Keep it together, Mouse.
The last time you cooked, the fire department showed up.
Why are you wearing Larissa's dress?
It's an apron.
Do you think Larissa owns an apron?
This thing was sewn by silkworms
raised by blind Tibetan Monks or something.
If Larissa comes back and sees it covered in grease,
I'm a dead woman.
If you were naked in the tub
and someone asked if you were decent,
would you let them come in?
Samantha's taking another bubble bath?
Does she only do activities that require nudity?
Did you tell her yet?
Don't worry.
I told her I have to talk to her about something important.
I'll do it as soon as she gets out of the tub.
Make sure you do.
It's only five days until Larissa comes back.
And we got a $400 phone bill, thanks to Sam.
Yikes!
Right.
I'm going to get my hair cut for my event,
whatever it may be.
Yeah. Great.
Your amazing birthday event that I have totally planned out.
Why are you acting weird? Should I not get my hair cut?
Is that making it too much of a big deal?
'Cause maybe we should just forget this whole thing.
Oh, no!
No, your 18th birthday is a huge deal.
And Bennet's going to be there. He seemed really excited.
And I'll be there to support you the whole time.
(Sighs)
- Well, that helps. Thanks, Carrie. - Don't mention it.
Now go get handsome for your big day.
Bye.
(Horn blaring in distance)
I can't believe you didn't tell him
you don't have anything planned.
(Door closes) I can't help it
if people camp out for days for that stupid concert.
What am I gonna do? It's tomorrow.
You talking about the Z100 concert?
I can get your tickets.
Wait. What? You can?
V.I.P. Tickets?
Sure.
I met Howard stern a few years back and... rocked his mic.
We're still buds.
And now that he's the toast of New York,
honey, he can get us in anywhere.
Uh... seriously?
Y-you could do that?
Thank you so much.
No problem, Bambi. It's just a simple phone call.
Wasn't there something important you wanted to tell me?
Um... yeah.
Toilet paper.
We're out.
Maybe you could get some?
Sure thing.
(Horn honks in distance)
What?
I can't kick her out now. She just saved Walt's birthday.
(Telephone rings)
Hello?
Hey, kiddo.
Uh, so I just got off the phone with my client's niece,
and her schedule is packed,
but she can fit you in for an interview tomorrow at 4:00.
Wait. Tomorrow? As in tomorrow tomorrow?
Yeah. That's what that usually means.
I hope that's not a problem.
Um... no.
No problem at all. I can be there.
Thanks, dad. I'm... I'm really excited
about the chance to go to the new school.
You got it, sweetie. Love you.
(Beep)
(Chuckles)
Crap. What's wrong? Aren't you excited about the interview?
Well, I was,
except it's right in the middle of the concert.
(Grunts) I'll just have to...
Be direct and explain to Walt
that this interview's really important. (Telephone clatters)
No.
(Inhales deeply) What I have to do
is figure out how to be in two places at once.
♪
You're never gonna pull this off.
Sure I will.
He'll think I'm up front, drooling over Bryan Adams.
I'll slip away for an hour, hour and a half.
He won't even know I'm gone.
♪
(Woman) Whoo!
(Samantha) Carrie!
- Hey. - Hi!
Hey, guys. Come on over.
(Walt) Hi! Hi!
Champagne and caviar for the birthday boy.
I feel like we're on "lifestyles of the rich and famous."
(Girls laugh)
Champagne wishes and caviar dreams.
- Cheers. - Cheers!
Ooh! One more thing.
Ooh.
♪
Wow! A Rolex.
Now don't you ask me how much that cost.
I won't.
(Mouth full) Mmm! I love caviar!
Hmm.
You always get the best stuff.
Coolness runs in the family,
as well as awesome bods.
What can I say? Only the finest, straight from the Caspian Sea.
I got it from this Russian guy who's obsessed with me.
He says I'm the greatest thing that's happened to him
since escaping the Iron Curtain.
(Laughs)
Oh, my God. Bennet's here.
Am I sweating? (Exhales deeply)
(Whispers) Why am I so nervous?
(Lowered voice) Calm down. You look great.
Hey.
- Hi. - Happy Birthday.
Oh, you shouldn't have.
I wanted to. Nice haircut.
Did I get a new hair... cut?
(Chuckles) Maybe. I can't remember.
Oh, American Authors are up soon.
Come up front with me?
Yeah. Sure.
♪
(Man) ♪ I don't know
(glasses clink)
Your home is lovely.
Thanks.
(Dish clatters)
(Sighs)
I'm sorry about all the pictures.
- What? - The pictures of my wife.
I mean, is it... is it...
Weird that I... That I left them out? I...
No. Don't be ridiculous.
It's just, when I'm at your place,
I don't have to stare at pictures of your ex.
Tom, Grace is not your ex. She died.
And... and all you have are... are... are your beautiful memories
and pictures of your life together.
All I have with my ex is our son...
And an ulcer.
(Laughs)
I would never, ever expect you to forget her
or pretend she isn't important.
Thank you.
Wine in the afternoon.
Are you trying to take advantage of me?
- Yep. - Oh, good.
(Chuckles)
Who would've thought something so slimy and scary-looking
could taste so yummy?
Only the best for my roommates.
Right. Roomies.
Do you think Donna's jealous we've gotten so close?
Mm. It's hard to tell with Donna.
Do you not like her?
Is it because of that gorgeous boy
you told me you're still in love with... Sebastian?
She didn't steal him from you, did she?
I will put my boot up her butt.
But she's your family.
(Scoffs) I don't count on family.
They're the ones who send you to school without lunch money
for days on end.
Just gotta hope you can find a friend or two.
And if Donna was a bad friend...
She wasn't a bad friend.
We're... we're more like casual non-enemies.
So who or what came between you and that boy?
Maggie. My oldest friend since kindergarten.
What happened?
Um... they kissed.
Maggie confessed it to me, and I yelled at her.
I hope you kicked his ass, too.
I haven't spoken to him.
- I don't really know what to say. - I do.
Tell him you are Carrie Bradshaw
and you do not take crap from any man.
Demanding respect is the only way you're gonna get it.
How are you so brave?
I haven't had much of a choice.
Haven't had a lot of friends to lean on along the way.
Well, you've got me.
(Night Vision) ♪ Feel like?
Except not right now. I gotta go.
♪ Feel like?
But you're gonna miss American Authors.
(Dog barking in distance)
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. Hold on just a sec.
Oh, my God. The Little Bastard.
Maggie.
I didn't know you lived around here.
Now you do.
- Hey, Mikey. - Hey!
Babysitting job.
Stay where I can see you!
I can't believe you have a 1955 Porsche Spyder
in your driveway.
You've heard of it?
Yeah. I have two brothers.
And it is the hottest of hot cars.
My dad bought it for us to fix up together.
Oh, cool. Where is he? Uh, a last minute thing came up.
His secretary called to say
he had a golf trip to Pebble Beach.
You're alone, huh?
I know the feeling.
Did you know that today is Walt's birthday?
Everyone is celebrating, without me.
You noticed I'm not there either.
Bet you regret kissing me.
You kissed me. And yes, I do.
Shame you can't change the past.
Yep. That never changes.
And neither do people, even when you think they might.
Your dad bailed on you, didn't he?
Hey, Mikey, what did I just say?!
I gotta go. I gotta go.
Um, I'll see you later, Sebastian.
- Good luck with your car. - Yeah, nothing I can't handle.
(American Authors) ♪ Shout!
♪ Shout!
♪
♪ I've never seen you look like this without a reason ♪
♪ another promise fallen through ♪
♪ another season passes by you
(cheering)
♪ Shout!
♪
♪ I never took the smile away from anybody's face ♪
♪ and that's a desperate way
♪ to look for someone who is still a child ♪
♪ and in a big country, dreams stay with you ♪
♪ like a lover's voice fires the mountainside ♪
♪ stay alive
♪ shout!
(Cheering)
That was awesome.
Even better than Corey Hart, front row.
I took Maggie last year for our anniversary.
I've always had a huge crush on him. Is that embarrassing?
No, it's adorable. Corey Hart is gorgeous.
Although, last week,
I went out with this guy who looked like him,
and he ended up being totally creepy.
He actually did wear sunglasses at night.
(Laughs)
Too bad.
I hate it when that happens on a date.
What's your worst dating horror story
since you've been to the city?
Um...
(Huffs) I haven't been on any dates.
At all?
You haven't met any guys your age since you've been here?
No. I...
You're one of the only gay guys I know in the city.
And I thought we... had...
some sort of connection.
Oh. I didn't realize...
Wait. Were you waiting because of me?
I just thought maybe today,
because it's my 18th birthday, and...
Oh, I'm an idiot. I... (Sighs)
Well, I-I didn't realize.
No, of course you didn't.
Just forget I ever said anything.
Look, I do have feelings for you.
- You do? - Of course.
But when I first moved to New York City,
I was in a serious relationship.
And in the end, I-I felt like I was missing out...
on everything.
I'm not ready to be exclusive, but I know I like you,
and I think it'll fun for us to see where this goes.
I don't... I don't know what to say.
(Exhales deeply) I feel terrible.
No, I feel terrible.
No, I mean I really feel terrible.
My stomach is killing me.
(Yello) ♪ Oh, yeah
I think I'm gonna be sick.
Okay. (Exhales deeply)
So it sounds like you really learned a lot
at your job at "Interview""
I-I have.
Um...
I really feel like...
My writing has grown.
♪ Beautiful
um...
♪ Even more beautiful
is it hot in here?
Oh. Our A.C. is not the best.
(Stomach rumbles)
I know it's miserable. August in New York is awful.
♪ Oh, yeah
well, on a happier note, Ms. Bradshaw,
I think you'd make a great candidate for the program.
Really? I... I hope so.
Um...
I think the next step for me,
as a writer,
um... (Stomach rumbles)
Is it, um...
Do you feel like the room is spinning?
(Voice echoing) Uh...
I'm sorry. Are you...
(Stomach rumbles) (Grunts) Oh, no.
(Vomits)
(Crying) What's happening to us?
Have we been poisoned?
(Vomiting and coughing)
(Groans) I'm sorry, Walt.
I just puked all over your presents.
And I got you the nicest striped Calvin Klein tie. (Gags)
(Vomits)
Hey, Walt!
Look! (Vomits)
(Vomits and coughs)
(Man) Aw, man.
Make it stop. Make it stop.
How are you not sick?
I'm from the everglades. (Coughs)
I've had alligator roadkill for breakfast.
Nothing can break me.
I'm gonna die here! It's not fair!
I am too beautiful to be a Central Park corpse!
- Aah! - Get it together!
You... you slapped me.
Had to be done.
I'm getting you people out of here.
Come on. Let's do this kindergarten-style.
(Groans) Single-file. Hold hands.
- No. - Come on.
Bennet, help up Walt. Come on, Mouse.
(Mouse grunts)
No barfers left behind.
(Groaning)
Where's Carrie?
(Groans)
(Breathing heavily)
No, not again. (Stomach rumbles)
Ooh.
The table is officially cleared.
He plies me with wine, he serves hors d'oeuvres...
Well, don't get too impressed. Dinner will be hamburger helper.
Ah.
If we even make it to dinner.
(Chuckles)
I like how you think.
Just as soon as I'm done with these dishes.
Uh, the dishes can wait.
(Plate clatters) Right, it's just... (Laughs)
- Mm, these plates... - Mm-hmm?
- have melted cheese on them. - Mm-hmm.
And if we leave them, they're gonna get crusty.
Yeah. Who cares?
So I... okay. (Giggles)
(Starts engine)
(Revs engine)
(Engine idling)
(Turns off engine)
How was Pebble Beach?
Did I just hear this thing purring like a cat?
What, you do that yourself?
Well, the guy from the garage helped
when I needed an extra set of hands.
Well, I'm impressed. I guess I taught you well.
Now we can add a few grand to the price.
What are you talking about?
Well, it turns out that my golf buddy Steve
has wanted one of these things for years.
He made me a great offer.
But now that you got it up and running,
I can charge him more.
You sold our car?
Nah, it's not our car. It's my car.
Don't you forget that.
Okay, your car.
But you said this was something for us to work on together.
Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking,
gettin' this thing in the first place.
These things are a pain in the ass.
And I don't have the time to deal with something
this unreliable. You know what I mean?
I do.
You mind if I take it for a spin before it's sold?
Yeah, why the hell not? Yeah.
Enjoy it, kid.
Sebastian wanted to say how angry he was
that his father had let him down.
But there were no words that seemed adequate.
He'd have to make noise another way.
(Starts engine)
(Groans)
(Softly) - Come on, hon. (Yells) - Get out of my face!
How about it, Mouse?
Think maybe you can hold it down this time?
(Whines and groans)
You are all ruining my fantasy of being your sexy nurse.
(Scoffs)
(Groans)
How did this happen?
It's gotta be food poisoning, right?
We had Thai food last night.
- Mm. - Maybe that?
Don't... talk about Thai food.
Maybe the champagne?
Can that give you food poisoning?
Don't talk about the champagne.
Maybe the quiche then?
Carrie, shut the hell up with the food talk!
There's no way it was the quiche!
That sucker was perfect.
(Thud) Then what did we eat
that's turning my stomach into a pit of hell?
Well, I may have misled you
about the origins of that caviar.
What... are you saying?
Let's just say it's not exactly from the Caspian Sea.
Where is it from?
Coney Island.
(Cries)
I bought it off the back of a truck,
along with 300 fake Rolexes.
What? Wait.
You did this to us?
I blame the Russian.
He assured me it was perfectly safe. (Stomach rumbles)
(Scoffs) What a liar.
He's probably not even a real Russian.
Ooh, I'm gonna kill you! Just...
Right after I...
(Groans)
(Breathy voice) There. All better?
Can you please not say it in your sexy nurse voice?
You.
Look...
- I'm really sorry. - Oh, are you?
Are you really sorry
that I didn't get to tell Professor Tenley
what the next step is for me as a writer?
Did you know I threw up three times
in the middle of my interview today?
Three... once on her desk, once on her lap,
and once on her shoes, which looked Italian.
The smell of vomit... It was... it was everywhere.
It was everywhere.
What do you mean interview?
I thought you went to get closer to Bryan Adams.
(Sighs) No. I lied and didn't tell you were I was going,
which was to an interview that could've changed my life
because I am a wuss.
(Sighs)
I think I'll just let you two work things out while I...
No, I am not done with you.
(Telephone rings) Don't even touch that phone.
You are not talking to the spanker right now.
Even this wuss has her limits, and you have reached them. (Ring)
You don't even care
that you've been living in someone else's place,
where I am a guest,
when you were only supposed to stay a few days.
And now you've taken over Larissa's apartment
and made my life miserable.
So why don't you take your tainted caviar
and get the hell out of here?
Um, I'm not sure it was the caviar.
What?
Well, these are the eggs I used for the quiche,
and they expired on June 15th.
I found them in the refrigerator.
Those are Larissa's eggs,
from before she left two months ago.
We've barely opened the fridge since we've been here.
Well, then...
Oops.
(Billy Ocean) ♪ Suddenly
♪ life has new meaning to me
♪ there's beauty up above
♪ and things we never take notice of ♪
(Moans)
♪ You wake up, and suddenly
♪ you're in love
I can't do this.
What's wrong?
I c... I-I can't have sex when I know that
there is a sink full of brie-encrusted dirty dishes
in the next room.
I know that doesn't make any sense,
but it's driving me crazy.
(Chuckles) Uh-huh.
So there it is... my dirty little secret.
I hate dirty dishes.
I know. I'm nuts.
Yeah, a little.
But, uh, um, it just so happens
that insanity provoked by dirty dishes
is exactly the kind that I like.
♪ There's beauty up above
if you help me finish them,
we can get back to this couch faster.
Deal. All right. Okay. (Chuckles)
Go. Go.
♪ You wake up, suddenly
♪ you're in love
ugh.
Samantha, I'm so sorry.
Oh, honey, the apologies can wait
until after you're... done.
I think I am. Finally.
You need this.
Trust me.
If you wanted me to move out, why didn't you say so?
(Swishing mouthwash)
I'm mind-blowingly fabulous, but I'm not a mind reader.
(Spits)
I know.
I should've just told you in the first place,
just like I should've told Walt about my stupid interview.
I could've avoided all of this.
It's like being in bed with a man...
You can't get what you want unless you ask for it.
But now you're gonna be homeless.
Oh. Don't worry about where I'm gonna live.
This is actually a much better send-off than I'm used to.
My mom used to kick me out
- whenever a new boyfriend would move in. - That's terrible.
Mm. She's the type of woman who always puts men first.
But you're not like that, Carrie.
You're a girl's girl. That's why I like you.
So...
we're still friends?
Honey, of course.
We have to stay friends. We wear the same size underwear.
I don't even wanna know how you know that.
Just make me one promise.
From now on, give it to me straight,
for your own good and mine.
I promise. And to that point,
you better not be leaving with any of my underwear.
(Chuckles)
(Knock on door)
Who could that be?
I'll get it. (Grunts)
I called the super. You guys clogged all the pipes.
(Groans)
(Lowered voice) It's not the super. It's Sebastian.
(Mouths word)
Let's make ourselves scarce. (Sprays)
You know what you have to do.
You have to tell him how you feel.
(Sniffs)
(Exhales deeply)
Hi.
Wow.
What happened here?
It's a very, very long story
that I am physically unable to recount
without dire consequences.
That sounds bad. Is there anything I can do?
You can tell me why you're here.
Oh.
I'm not exactly sure. Uh...
Just been going through stuff with my dad, and...
I just...
I just wanted to see you.
To see me?
Talk to you.
About what?
I don't know. Us?
There's nothing to talk about.
Come on. You must have stuff you wanna say to me.
I don't.
- Carrie, I know that's not true. - I don't want to talk to you
because I don't think you wanna hear what I have to say.
You're wrong. Whatever you have to say, I deserve it.
Yes, you do.
- Okay, so just say it. - Fine.
You broke me.
You broke my heart.
And I hate you because I still love you.
And I hate myself even more for it.
You happy?
I think you should go.
I'm sorry.
(Door opens)
Expressing my feelings to Sebastian
only made me feel worse. (Door closes)
But another couple found expressing themselves
brought them even closer.
Ooh. Ugh. It's kinda crusty.
- Mnh. - Does that freak you out?
- Get it away from me. (Laughs) - Huh?
Have you ever considered consulting a doctor
about your dish-order?
You're lucky you're so cute
and that I'm so high on Haagen-Dazs,
'cause that's the corniest joke I ever heard.
No, seriously. We should be proud of ourselves.
We communicated honestly and we were able to avoid
what might've been a major dish-aster.
Just wait until I learn one of your weird pet peeves.
You're gonna be waitin' a long time because I don't have any.
- Come on. - Seriously.
I'm just not the kind of guy who gets bothered easily.
Especially petty things like...
Um, wait. What... why are you putting the bowls on the top?
'Cause that's where it belongs.
No. No. Bowls go on the bottom.
(Bowl clatters) They go on the top. That's where they fit better.
- Bottom. - Top.
Uh-oh.
Is this gonna be a bowl of contention between us?
(Laughs)
(Growls)
♪
(Man) Yeah, man.
(Siren wailing in distance)
(Garret) When are you coming back? I'm worried sick.
Did the car break down?
The car's fine, dad. And I am, too, by the way.
Well, then get home.
The shippers are coming to pick up that car tonight.
Dad, hear me out for a sec.
What if we don't sell the car?
I mean, remember how we used to dream of having one of these?
- Maybe we could... - No, that's ridiculous.
Don't be a spoiled snot. And bring the car back here.
What, that brand-new Porsche that you tool around in
isn't enough?
Dad, it's not about the car.
No, it's not about the car.
It's about doing what I say.
Now just get that car back here, please.
(Indistinct conversations)
(Coins clatter)
(Starts engine)
(Revs engine)
Sebastian couldn't tell his father how he really felt...
That for him, it wasn't just a car.
It was a reminder of a time when they were close.
(Engine idling)
Man, check this out.
And while Sebastian was keeping his feelings inside
and acting out,
the next morning, Walt decided it was time to open up.
Where is everybody?
They went to get some fresh air
and escape the House of Horrors.
That's probably a good idea.
(Horns honking in distance)
Penny for your thoughts.
Or, uh,
do I not want to know?
(Sighs)
I want you to know.
I wanna be with you,
even though there are no guarantees.
Are you sure?
Watching Carrie with Sebastian,
I realized even when you make promises, things can go wrong,
straight or gay.
I wanted an exclusive relationship
because it felt safe to me,
but the truth is, there's no guarantee it will work out,
no matter how we define it.
And at least what I feel with you is finally real.
I'm not hiding.
I wanna see what this is.
I guess the question is, do you?
I do.
Uh...
Don't worry. I-I just brushed my teeth.
(Laughs)
- Me, too. - Good.
(Bag thuds)
- Hey, you. - Mm.
Ah. How was your weekend, huh?
Do you have something you need to tell me?
Well, I guess you heard about my interview.
I sure did.
Professor Tenley told me
that she was extremely impressed.
Wait. She what?
She couldn't believe that you showed up,
given your obvious illness, and she thinks that
that kind of dedication deserves a second chance.
So she wants you to call her office
and set up another interview.
(Gasps) I can't believe it.
You didn't tell me that you were sick.
What happened? Are you okay?
Oh, I got food poisoning.
How? What happened?
Mm.
Can I tell you the gruesome details later?
I'm still a little... fragile.
Got it. All right, well, can I interest you in Sunday dinner?
As long as it's not quiche or caviar.
It will definitely not be that. I guarantee it. Um...
(Imitates French accent) Since it is just the two of us,
eh, how about...
Frozen waffles?
Mmm. With butter?
Pfft.
Perfect.
(Big Country's "In A Big Country" playing)
♪ And in a big country
Why are the bowls on top?
Maple syrup. Where do we... Yeah, down here.
♪ Mountainside
♪ stay alive
==sync, correction by dcdah== for www.addic7ed.com